Saturday, December 8, 2012
There are 3 very simple steps that you have to take (I say steps, pun intended, because you really have to walk for this) to straighten your hair and keep it straightened for the rest of your life.
First is to take a walk at midnight.
Next is to walk into a crematorium
Third is to walk into a ghost
Your hair will stand straight on end with fright. The word here is straight. Got it?
To make sure that this happens, you must put your fingers into your mouth, open your eyes wide, and scream so loud that your hair continues to stands straight on end with fright. Don’t worry, no one will hear you or blame you for waking them up. Except the ghost, but you won’t care about that by then.
Then you must turn and run for your life. What happens now is that the wind will go through your sweat-soaked hair (due to the running) and make it fall limp on your sides.
When you reach home, shut the door, smile (victoriously) and comb out your forever straightened hair.
It does not matter whether you are a girl or a boy, a woman or a man, whether you have very curly or just simply wavy hair. After this, your hair will be straight forever. If you are dis-satisfied (though I doubt it), you are welcome to repeat the experience once again.
Benefits: This is a natural process.
It costs absolutely nothing.
It requires no repeats (99.9% foolproof)
Spoiler alert: This is not for the faint-hearted. However, if you are a faint-hearted guy, you will never win that fair lady (translate to ‘hot babe’ in today’s language, dude). Whether your hair is straight or not then it does not matter. Give up already.
If you are a faint-hearted girl, you will be happy to have any kind of hair and hope for the best, you will not be adventurous, daring, or aiming to get those smooth locks at any cost. you are out of the reckoning already.
But if you are willing to go to any lengths (and I do mean lengths of hair here), to get that straight-as-silk hair with not a single curl in it, don’t get frazzled. Just curl your lip and go for that midnight walk, follow the process outlined, and see how your hair falls after that: straighter, longer, silkier. Sweet and Natural. No artificial sweeteners added.
People will crowd around you asking how you did it. Tell them it requires guts and that you have it. And rake in the glory.
Added benefits: Nothing can scare you now. You may also now carry a certain wide-eyed look which some people fall for immediately.
How do I know? Look at my hair and it is proof enough. Don’t believe me? I’ll walk with you at midnight. Promise. But don’t walk through me when you reach the crematorium, there are other ghosts.