Poet, Author, Editor, Creative Writing Consultant

Thursday, December 27, 2012

 Be Smart, Suave, Shaved!

Over 200 women were presented with pictures of clean-shaven and bearded men making different types of faces (normal and angry). The results showed that women found the clean-shaven men significantly more attractive. (http://www.askmen.com/dating/news/2_women-prefer-clean-shaven-men.html#ixzz2GEmGZElO)

Photo courtesy google images

I present my take on what is a universal truth:
The scene opens in a bachelor’s pad. It is Rahul’s home, and he is talking with his brother-in-law, Vivek, who is sitting there with him, sipping coffee. Vivek is married to Rahul’s sister, Sonia. They are waiting for Sonia to arrive, after which they will leave together for a party. They are dressed and ready. Rahul looks good, but he has a stubble on his chin.  He thinks it adds to his looks, giving him a lovable, rustic air.
Vivek: All dressed and ready to go, Rahul?
Rahul: Yes.
Vivek: Good. Coffee’s good too. But I heard from Sonia that you have no girl to take to the party? What happened to Dimple?
Rahul (looking despondent): She left me , yaar.
Vivek: Why?
Rahul: Don’t know. This is the third girl in the last three months. I don’t seem to be able to keep a relationship going ever since I came to Delhi.
Vivek: Really? In Mumbai it was okay?
Rahul (looking despondent and sad now): Yes, in Mumbai I had a steady girl. But she got married to someone else.
Vivek: That’s sad. But there must be a reason why the Delhi girls are not interested in you. After all, you are smart and intelligent, with a steady job, and good looking in a geeky way…
Rahul (rubs the stubble on his chin): Thanks. Don’t know why they leave, really.
Vivek (noticing his hand movement): I think I’ve got it. It must be this growth on your cheeks and chin. Why don’t you shave? Women don’t like stubble. Ask me, I know. Your sister hates it.
Rahul (eyes widening):Sonia does? Oh, okay. I like my stubble. I think it makes me look macho. Less geeky. Have kept it since I came to Delhi.
Vivek: (putting his coffee mug on the table) There you have it. This must be why the Delhi girls leave you. They don’t like being scratched by hair on the face. You didn’t have this stubble in Mumbai, and had a steady girl. Q.E.D.
(High heels are heard on the stairs, coming up)
Vivek:  I think Sonia is here. Ask her yourself. With me she keeps saying, Vivek, shave…or crave. I don’t want to crave, so I shave. Simple, bro.
(Sonia walks in)
Sonia: Hi, people. Ready? Rahul, I have a friend, Kavita, with me. She will partner you tonight. Lucky you.
(Sonia looks closely at Rahul)
Sonia: Yikes, you haven’t shaved? Better do it now. Vivek, why haven’t you told him, we women like our men to be smooth- cheeked, clean- shaven. No moustache, no stubble, no beard, no sideburns. (She throws her hands in the air). If you don’t shave, you crave, Rahul.
Rahul: Okay, Sonia, got it. Give me 5 minutes.
(Rahul leaves the room. Sonia calls Kavita, informing her that they will be down to the car soon. )
Sonia (touching Vivek’s face): Mmmm, love this smoothness.
Vivek: Love you, babe.
(Rahul emerges from the bathroom, looking fresh and clean, the stubble gone from his face.)
Sonia: Now you rock, bro! Kavita will not be able to resist you. And watch how the girls watch you.
(They run down the stairs. Rahul is happy to see Kavita, well groomed and smart. She wears spectacles like he does and her eyes shine at him merrily through them.  He feels his cheek. It’s smooth, just like he hopes the evening will turn out to be.)
Kavita(smiling): Hi Rahul. Heard a lot about you from Sonia, but did not know you would be so…
Sonia: Yes, we know, smooth, suave and …
Vivek (grins): Shaved?
They burst out laughing as Rahul gets into the car, happy to have used his favourite razor and after-shave.

This post is a part of the 'Shave or Crave' movement in association with BlogAdda.com

Saturday, December 8, 2012


There are 3 very simple steps that you have to take (I say steps, pun intended, because you really have to walk for this)  to straighten your hair and keep it straightened for the rest of your life.

First is to take a walk at midnight.
Next is to walk into a crematorium
Third is to walk into a ghost

Your hair will stand straight on end with fright. The word here is straight. Got it?
To make sure that this happens, you must put your fingers into your mouth, open your eyes wide, and  scream so loud that your hair continues to stands straight on end with fright. Don’t worry, no one will hear you or blame you for waking them up. Except the ghost, but you won’t care about that by then.
Then you must turn and run for your life. What happens now is that the wind will go through your sweat-soaked hair (due to the running) and make it fall limp on your sides.

When you reach home, shut the door, smile (victoriously) and comb out your forever straightened hair.
It does not matter whether you are a girl or a boy, a woman or a man, whether you have very curly or just simply wavy hair. After this, your hair will be straight forever. If you are dis-satisfied (though I doubt it), you are welcome to repeat the experience once again.

Benefits: This is a natural process.
               It costs absolutely nothing.
              It requires no repeats (99.9% foolproof)

Spoiler alert: This is not for the faint-hearted. However, if you are a faint-hearted guy, you will never win that fair lady (translate to ‘hot babe’ in today’s language, dude). Whether your hair is straight or not then it does not matter. Give up already.

If you are a faint-hearted girl, you will be happy to have any kind of hair and hope for the best, you will not be adventurous, daring, or aiming to get those smooth locks at any cost. you are out of the reckoning already.

But if you are willing to go to any lengths (and I do mean lengths of hair here), to get that straight-as-silk hair with not a single curl in it, don’t get frazzled. Just curl your lip and go for that midnight walk, follow the process outlined, and see how your hair falls after that: straighter, longer, silkier. Sweet and Natural. No artificial sweeteners added.

People will crowd around you asking how you did it. Tell them it requires guts and that you have it. And rake in the glory.

Added benefits: Nothing can scare you now. You may also now carry a certain wide-eyed look which some people fall for immediately.

How do I know? Look at my hair and it is proof enough. Don’t believe me? I’ll walk with you at midnight. Promise. But don’t walk through me when you reach the crematorium, there are other ghosts.

This is posted for the SUNSILK Straight Hair Experiment  Competition at indiblogger .